Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Greeting Card Market Flourishing
Greeting Card Market Flourishing
A new study conducted by Unity Marketing finds that greeting cards were the fastest growing category in the overall stationery market in 2006. This showed a big comeback for the product after four years of steadily declining sales, rising over 11 percent from 2004 to 2006. The report further showed that, in 2006, the market for greeting cards climbed to over $10 billion.
Pam Danziger, president of Unity Marketing, noted that from 2000 to 2004 the sales of greeting cards were in steady decline, but in 2005 sales began to turn around, as, she says, a result of a shift in consumers' shopping preferences away from mass retailers and discounters. "In 2006 specialty card and gift shops regained 6 market share points. As a result, the mass merchants are holding on as market share leader by a thread," says Danziger. She notes that a drop in the number of specialty retail shops in the card and gift segments had an impact on sales. Now there is a revival of specialty retail for greeting cards, and due to the quality products, people prefer these shops to the mass merchants and discounters. Danziger explains, "A few years back the mass merchants, such as Wal-Mart, were the biggest, baddest competitors in the greeting card business, driving prices down and capturing the largest share of business. This resulted in a winnowing out of the weaker specialty retailers that couldn't survive the mass retailers' onslaught. But this new study shows that the tide is turning. The specialty retailers that remain are robust competitors able to attract more affluent shoppers who will pay more for the better designs and higher quality greeting cards available through these stores."
Published by Talcott Communications Corporation. Copyright © 1998-2007
Talcott Communications Corporation. All Rights Reserved
A new study conducted by Unity Marketing finds that greeting cards were the fastest growing category in the overall stationery market in 2006. This showed a big comeback for the product after four years of steadily declining sales, rising over 11 percent from 2004 to 2006. The report further showed that, in 2006, the market for greeting cards climbed to over $10 billion.
Pam Danziger, president of Unity Marketing, noted that from 2000 to 2004 the sales of greeting cards were in steady decline, but in 2005 sales began to turn around, as, she says, a result of a shift in consumers' shopping preferences away from mass retailers and discounters. "In 2006 specialty card and gift shops regained 6 market share points. As a result, the mass merchants are holding on as market share leader by a thread," says Danziger. She notes that a drop in the number of specialty retail shops in the card and gift segments had an impact on sales. Now there is a revival of specialty retail for greeting cards, and due to the quality products, people prefer these shops to the mass merchants and discounters. Danziger explains, "A few years back the mass merchants, such as Wal-Mart, were the biggest, baddest competitors in the greeting card business, driving prices down and capturing the largest share of business. This resulted in a winnowing out of the weaker specialty retailers that couldn't survive the mass retailers' onslaught. But this new study shows that the tide is turning. The specialty retailers that remain are robust competitors able to attract more affluent shoppers who will pay more for the better designs and higher quality greeting cards available through these stores."
Published by Talcott Communications Corporation. Copyright © 1998-2007
Talcott Communications Corporation. All Rights Reserved
Friday, October 26, 2007
1 state 2 states red states blue states
GrammaBurp cards can be found in twenty-one US States. I was looking at my color-coded map that I use to keep track of what states carry our cards & it hit me ... the pattern is similar to the red states / blue states maps ... especially he newer ones ...
Blue represents states we're in.
MY MAP LOOKS SOMETHING LIKE THIS ...
THEIR MAP
So ... republicans hate us ...
LOL
Blue represents states we're in.
MY MAP LOOKS SOMETHING LIKE THIS ...
THEIR MAP
So ... republicans hate us ...
LOL
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Whoa...
Whoa, I've been so busy lately... blogging get pushed to the bottom of the list when it's this nuts.
My daughter is about to have our 2nd grandchild.
I've been furiously working on getting all of the new cards completed ... published ... printed ... cataloged ... copyrighted ... advertised ... yikes!
Filling new orders, filling reorders...
It's been very good for me -- staying busy.
Show me the new cards now!
My daughter is about to have our 2nd grandchild.
I've been furiously working on getting all of the new cards completed ... published ... printed ... cataloged ... copyrighted ... advertised ... yikes!
Filling new orders, filling reorders...
It's been very good for me -- staying busy.
Show me the new cards now!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
I have made a conscious effort to separate business & politics. But this must be shared.
I have made a conscious effort to separate business & politics. But this must be shared.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Love is ...
Love is ...
When a retailer calls & says they HAD TO place an order because she & her staff were spending too much time sitting at the computer, laughing their asses off at our cards & not getting any work done!
Love is ...
Re-orders ... "we've sold out of these & these & these & these ... I need more! how fast can you send 'em?"
When a retailer calls & says they HAD TO place an order because she & her staff were spending too much time sitting at the computer, laughing their asses off at our cards & not getting any work done!
Love is ...
Re-orders ... "we've sold out of these & these & these & these ... I need more! how fast can you send 'em?"
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sales Reps, spike the punch, freelance writers...
A while back I was contacted by my first sales rep company. I should tell you, over the last couple of years I've learned that when it comes to sales reps, they find you, not the other way around.
So we do all of the initial stuff... talking, terms, agreement, & I send samples. Lots of them. And then it's a waiting game. 2 months go by & nothing. I e-mail them & get no response. Eh, I figure I've been ripped off. No big deal. Another couple / few hundred to write off. I chalk it up to a learning experience. Then out of the blue, hundreds + in orders from them.
Some days I think I'll never figure out people. Roll with the punches... does that mean take the shit & bounce back? or does it mean, when you see a punch coming, roll your head to the side to make the impact as painless as possible? Probably both.
Eh. Screw rolling with the punch. I say spike the punch.
So now we have several sales reps. And I LOVE the fact that they do the selling, because that's my least favorite part of owning a business. Next I'll need to outsource my product packaging & shipping, because packing & shipping is 2nd in line for my least favorite things to do ... Oh gosh, it almost sounds like I'm complaining now, doesn't it... I'm not. Really I'm not. Just in a mood I guess.
We added novelty fridge magnets to the line this year. The feedback ... & sales reports are showing that our magnets absolutely ROCK! They're selling twice as fast as our cards EVER did. AND every day I get a clearer view of which cards are popular, and which are not so good. The not-so-good / non-bestselling ones will be coming out of the line. I want only the best. In order to do that though, we need many more cards IN the line... So we're using freelance writers now. Struggled with that one for a bit, my own ego was in the way... but once I talked it through with the team, we agreed. I got us off to a good start, but we want the best products ... and in order to give that to people, we need to expand not only the line of cards & novelties --more quickly than I alone can write cards -- but we also need to offer the funniest shit on earth.
Prepare to laugh motherfuckers!
So we do all of the initial stuff... talking, terms, agreement, & I send samples. Lots of them. And then it's a waiting game. 2 months go by & nothing. I e-mail them & get no response. Eh, I figure I've been ripped off. No big deal. Another couple / few hundred to write off. I chalk it up to a learning experience. Then out of the blue, hundreds + in orders from them.
Some days I think I'll never figure out people. Roll with the punches... does that mean take the shit & bounce back? or does it mean, when you see a punch coming, roll your head to the side to make the impact as painless as possible? Probably both.
Eh. Screw rolling with the punch. I say spike the punch.
So now we have several sales reps. And I LOVE the fact that they do the selling, because that's my least favorite part of owning a business. Next I'll need to outsource my product packaging & shipping, because packing & shipping is 2nd in line for my least favorite things to do ... Oh gosh, it almost sounds like I'm complaining now, doesn't it... I'm not. Really I'm not. Just in a mood I guess.
We added novelty fridge magnets to the line this year. The feedback ... & sales reports are showing that our magnets absolutely ROCK! They're selling twice as fast as our cards EVER did. AND every day I get a clearer view of which cards are popular, and which are not so good. The not-so-good / non-bestselling ones will be coming out of the line. I want only the best. In order to do that though, we need many more cards IN the line... So we're using freelance writers now. Struggled with that one for a bit, my own ego was in the way... but once I talked it through with the team, we agreed. I got us off to a good start, but we want the best products ... and in order to give that to people, we need to expand not only the line of cards & novelties --more quickly than I alone can write cards -- but we also need to offer the funniest shit on earth.
Prepare to laugh motherfuckers!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Humor Trend ... I'm there!
Forecasting Trends in Holiday Greetings
By Jolene Turner, Associate Editor, Giftware News
There are three major greeting card trends that are also spilling over into the new holiday cards for both Christmas and Hanukah. These three trends are:
. Humorous Sentiments
. Handmade and Embellished Creations
. Pet-related Themes
Humor Trend
While humor has always been popular, currently there seems to be a higher demand for it. People are looking for a break from the more serious issues that are happening in the world around us; laughing helps to relieve stress while trying to remain strong and move forward in today's world. With a humorous greeting card people can escape for a bit, laugh, and also be reminded that they are loved.
The types of humor that seems to be really hot right now are clever and dark humor. The sentiments are smart and make you think and then burst out laughing because it almost shocks you that a four word sentence can be so funny and smart. In terms of dark humor, this could be popular almost because of the state of the world's affairs also, people are a little more cynical and angry; being able to channel it through dark humor helps us to stay balanced.
meta tags & bots & spiders - oh, my!
Finally!
I'm on the right path!
Years of typing "greeting cards wholesale humorous" into a google search, and getting 500,000 results, but not finding my own website... until today. Page 7.
Unexpected. Like scratching a lottery ticket. You scratch so many losers, that when you actually win, it's a surprise!
Now I know I'm doing it right.
Now I head on up to page 1 or 2.
Yippee!
I'm on the right path!
Years of typing "greeting cards wholesale humorous" into a google search, and getting 500,000 results, but not finding my own website... until today. Page 7.
Unexpected. Like scratching a lottery ticket. You scratch so many losers, that when you actually win, it's a surprise!
Now I know I'm doing it right.
Now I head on up to page 1 or 2.
Yippee!
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
New New New Novelties!
Yup!
Coffee mugs, t-shirts, journals, posters, stickers, boxers & thongs ... even teddy bears!
All with GrammaBurp designs on 'em!
How fun is THAT!
Come visit GrammaBurp's novelties shop!
Coffee mugs, t-shirts, journals, posters, stickers, boxers & thongs ... even teddy bears!
All with GrammaBurp designs on 'em!
How fun is THAT!
Come visit GrammaBurp's novelties shop!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Advertising hell
Cost efficient. Profitable. That's the goal when it comes to advertising... & I'm definitely going through the trial & error thing. Finding the right avenues for advertising has, by far, been one of the most challenging aspects of this business so far.
Unlike what I see in most of my competitors, I have virtually zero dollars in start-up cash. No investors, and I refuse to take out any loans. I decided at the start that I would not put my family at risk. I'm a foster parent. That's what I do, that's who I am... the wife & I are good at it & we've made it our life's work... and that's the only source of income our family has. (You get to a certain age & you realize that happiness in what you do every day, far outweighs a bigger salary.) The few hundred dollars each month that is left over after the bills are paid, is what my business got started on. So my business has to be self-sufficient... self-sustaining.
That's where advertising comes in. Advertise, get orders as a result, orders pay for more advertising.... right?
There are several trade publications. I did a TON of market research & I chose one, that I thought was best, and advertised with them for over a year. I got many leads through that advertisement, and several orders, and the orders almost covered the advertising cost.
So this year I'm seeking out ... and will try new advertising. Mostly online.
There is one that lists itself as being the biggest & best online resource. They called me, once a month or so, for an entire year. Finally convincing me to buy ad space online. I get "hit" notifications via e-mail every day, which (unfortunately) I suspect are generated by their own staff, as I have received **zero** orders through them.
A few weeks ago http://www.wholesalecrafts.com/ was recommended to me by a fellow greeting card manufacturer. It's juried. I applied & was accepted. I have been a member since 4-5-07 & as of this morning, I've already gotten 4 new retail accounts.
THIS is what I need to find more of! Cost efficient, legitimate ... with real results.
AND THEN THERE'S THE NSS ...
In the stationery business, everybody tells you that you absolutely must participate in the National Stationery Show in NYC if you want your greeting card business to succeed. I've even seen evidence firsthand that retail store owners will not take you seriously if you do not attend the show. Twice I've had retailers, about to place orders, ask if I was going to be at the show -- & after I said no, they changed their minds about ordering from me. Every year I stress out about it. But the fact is, it's wicked expensive. The booth alone costs a couple of thousand dollars. Then you have to pay for decorating the booth, lighting, fireproofing, fabric, electricity, carpet, chairs, etc. etc. When you figure in travel costs, meals & hotel, you need to have 5 grand or so to go. (And that's a bare-bones estimate.) Yes, I should. But can I justify it to my family at this point? No. I cannot. So here I am, another year going by. I wonder if it's a huge mistake or not... and the answer is, I just don't know.
The good news is, business continues to pick up! Slowly but surely, the retail orders continue to come in. A teensy bit more frequently every month. We're in 14 States now! I think that's something to brag about! Although after having just finished figuring my business income taxes (yes just now), I'm still well below federal poverty guidelines, lol.
OK, I am off to find more advertising avenues!
:-)
Unlike what I see in most of my competitors, I have virtually zero dollars in start-up cash. No investors, and I refuse to take out any loans. I decided at the start that I would not put my family at risk. I'm a foster parent. That's what I do, that's who I am... the wife & I are good at it & we've made it our life's work... and that's the only source of income our family has. (You get to a certain age & you realize that happiness in what you do every day, far outweighs a bigger salary.) The few hundred dollars each month that is left over after the bills are paid, is what my business got started on. So my business has to be self-sufficient... self-sustaining.
That's where advertising comes in. Advertise, get orders as a result, orders pay for more advertising.... right?
There are several trade publications. I did a TON of market research & I chose one, that I thought was best, and advertised with them for over a year. I got many leads through that advertisement, and several orders, and the orders almost covered the advertising cost.
So this year I'm seeking out ... and will try new advertising. Mostly online.
There is one that lists itself as being the biggest & best online resource. They called me, once a month or so, for an entire year. Finally convincing me to buy ad space online. I get "hit" notifications via e-mail every day, which (unfortunately) I suspect are generated by their own staff, as I have received **zero** orders through them.
A few weeks ago http://www.wholesalecrafts.com/ was recommended to me by a fellow greeting card manufacturer. It's juried. I applied & was accepted. I have been a member since 4-5-07 & as of this morning, I've already gotten 4 new retail accounts.
THIS is what I need to find more of! Cost efficient, legitimate ... with real results.
AND THEN THERE'S THE NSS ...
In the stationery business, everybody tells you that you absolutely must participate in the National Stationery Show in NYC if you want your greeting card business to succeed. I've even seen evidence firsthand that retail store owners will not take you seriously if you do not attend the show. Twice I've had retailers, about to place orders, ask if I was going to be at the show -- & after I said no, they changed their minds about ordering from me. Every year I stress out about it. But the fact is, it's wicked expensive. The booth alone costs a couple of thousand dollars. Then you have to pay for decorating the booth, lighting, fireproofing, fabric, electricity, carpet, chairs, etc. etc. When you figure in travel costs, meals & hotel, you need to have 5 grand or so to go. (And that's a bare-bones estimate.) Yes, I should. But can I justify it to my family at this point? No. I cannot. So here I am, another year going by. I wonder if it's a huge mistake or not... and the answer is, I just don't know.
The good news is, business continues to pick up! Slowly but surely, the retail orders continue to come in. A teensy bit more frequently every month. We're in 14 States now! I think that's something to brag about! Although after having just finished figuring my business income taxes (yes just now), I'm still well below federal poverty guidelines, lol.
OK, I am off to find more advertising avenues!
:-)
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Chocolate & creativity ...
Homemade Easter Candy...
Melted some chocolate & made some chocolate bunnies on sticks. The little kit comes with chocolate molds & little straw-like sticks for the lollipops. Cute, fun, yummy!
Cravings...
So tonight, prego (my daughter) is here & I make her a chocolate shake. I discovered a bit too late that we had no straws. So I pull out a little straw from the candy mold set. Now, these are really hard plastic, and probably the same size as the stirrers you get with a mixed drink.) It works... with a little effort. I hand the shake to prego & she says, "what the hell?" (her favorite saying). I smile & say, "we're outta straws... pretty creative, huh?" (very proud of myself).
She responds by looking me square in the eye & saying: "Ma, there's a fine line between creative & ghetto."
My wonderful, witty daughter nearly made me wet my pants on that one.
Melted some chocolate & made some chocolate bunnies on sticks. The little kit comes with chocolate molds & little straw-like sticks for the lollipops. Cute, fun, yummy!
Cravings...
So tonight, prego (my daughter) is here & I make her a chocolate shake. I discovered a bit too late that we had no straws. So I pull out a little straw from the candy mold set. Now, these are really hard plastic, and probably the same size as the stirrers you get with a mixed drink.) It works... with a little effort. I hand the shake to prego & she says, "what the hell?" (her favorite saying). I smile & say, "we're outta straws... pretty creative, huh?" (very proud of myself).
She responds by looking me square in the eye & saying: "Ma, there's a fine line between creative & ghetto."
My wonderful, witty daughter nearly made me wet my pants on that one.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
April Fool's Day 2007
Our 12 yr old came to me this AM & asked how we could get Dor (the wifey) ... with an April Fools joke.
I informed her I'd never been able to. So we sat & talked & thought about it.
We decided she would smear peanut butter under the doorknob.
The 12 yr old asked me what she should do after ... if it worked. I said "watch, enjoy, ... and then run!"
It worked!
& she ran.
Screaming & laughter filled the house today.
I love it.
I informed her I'd never been able to. So we sat & talked & thought about it.
We decided she would smear peanut butter under the doorknob.
The 12 yr old asked me what she should do after ... if it worked. I said "watch, enjoy, ... and then run!"
It worked!
& she ran.
Screaming & laughter filled the house today.
I love it.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Who needs oxygen, anyway!?!
I just had an idea! So, you know how half of the people in the world are scared of flying ... well, I think we're all more afraid of crashing, the flying thing is unnatural, but not as scary as crashing ... ANYWAY ... you know those oxygen masks that drop from the ceiling if there's a (((problem))) ... ya, those... what do you say ... we replace the oxygen, with laughing gas. I think that would solve a lot of the anxiety related issues people have on planes. And if you ever were -- God forbid -- actually going down ... you could go out laughing.
THAT reminds me of the time I went to the dentist & got laughing gas for the first time. I was probably 13 years old. The whole thing is a blur, except for the ending. They said, "you're all set" & I got up from the dentist's chair, looked around, I looked left ... I looked right ... I remember smirking... then I walked, still smirking, down the hallway toward where my dad was waiting for me. I took that one last step around the corner at the end of the long hallway -- I saw my dad -- & I burst out with: "Dad! They gave me laughing gas!" I remember it came out of my mouth A LOT louder than I thought it was gonna. And I was sure of it, because eveyone in the waiting area behind my dad, started laughing. And I proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. My father stared at me, wide-eyed, trying not to lose it too.
To this day I think they screwed up the gas levels or something, because I've been chasing that same **happy place** feeling since that day at the dentists.
Most times, when I go in to the dentist, I won't ask for it, but if they give me the mask, as soon as they leave the room, I take B-I-G breaths in, hold it, let it out, another big breath.... you know .... the same way that people who take the pot inhale ... (lol) ... and when they come back, resume normal breathing, BUT YOU MUST be prepared for them ... & their evil trickery. They dial down the laughing gas, and dial UP the oxygen... AND they ask you questions. You must be prepared to answer them or they cut you off completely! You're enjoying the little legal buzz you've got goin' on, and they PURPOSELY try to ruit it by bringing you back to reality. Bastards. You should know, the 'smile - nod' thing DOES NOT work. They watch for that. If you answer their inane questions with a smile & a nod, you can consider yourself busted. You get straight oxygen. OH, they won't tell you it's straight oxygen. They just switch it up on you. You have to know. REMEMBER to watch for the subtle head movement of the dentist -- to the tech -- the one that means she's wasted, straight oxygen from here on in And THATS when you stop breathing through your nose mask.
I say ... Who needs oxygen, anyway!?!
THAT reminds me of the time I went to the dentist & got laughing gas for the first time. I was probably 13 years old. The whole thing is a blur, except for the ending. They said, "you're all set" & I got up from the dentist's chair, looked around, I looked left ... I looked right ... I remember smirking... then I walked, still smirking, down the hallway toward where my dad was waiting for me. I took that one last step around the corner at the end of the long hallway -- I saw my dad -- & I burst out with: "Dad! They gave me laughing gas!" I remember it came out of my mouth A LOT louder than I thought it was gonna. And I was sure of it, because eveyone in the waiting area behind my dad, started laughing. And I proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. My father stared at me, wide-eyed, trying not to lose it too.
To this day I think they screwed up the gas levels or something, because I've been chasing that same **happy place** feeling since that day at the dentists.
Most times, when I go in to the dentist, I won't ask for it, but if they give me the mask, as soon as they leave the room, I take B-I-G breaths in, hold it, let it out, another big breath.... you know .... the same way that people who take the pot inhale ... (lol) ... and when they come back, resume normal breathing, BUT YOU MUST be prepared for them ... & their evil trickery. They dial down the laughing gas, and dial UP the oxygen... AND they ask you questions. You must be prepared to answer them or they cut you off completely! You're enjoying the little legal buzz you've got goin' on, and they PURPOSELY try to ruit it by bringing you back to reality. Bastards. You should know, the 'smile - nod' thing DOES NOT work. They watch for that. If you answer their inane questions with a smile & a nod, you can consider yourself busted. You get straight oxygen. OH, they won't tell you it's straight oxygen. They just switch it up on you. You have to know. REMEMBER to watch for the subtle head movement of the dentist -- to the tech -- the one that means she's wasted, straight oxygen from here on in And THATS when you stop breathing through your nose mask.
I say ... Who needs oxygen, anyway!?!
Friday, March 2, 2007
The Dentist ...
I sat in the dentist's chair shaking in fear.
Forever - very afraid of the dentist. But I'm not sure why. Maybe because the dentist I had for 30 years has the personality of a stone ... No, that doesn't describe him right ... What would you call a stone, with a nasty attitude? umm, anyway, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like people... & he's got this 'holier than thou' thing... combined with a non-caring attitude. Overall, he always seemed -- just ... very cold. Like he's doing you a favor by allowing you to go to his office. It's difficult to explain...
I also think my dentist fears come from the fact that dental work is so invasive. "Open up" ... "wider" ... "wider" ... "OK now this is gonna hurt a little"... Kind of similar to going to the OBGYN ... only the other end.
And it goes way back -- to my childhood.
What's the ONE thing you hate the taste of? The one flavor that even the thought of it makes you gag? liver? Fish? garlic? For me, until I was 20 yrs old or so, it was mint. So you see, this made brushing unpleasant, and I gagged & dry-heaved every -- single -- time. They didn't have bubble gum flavored toothpaste waaayy back when I was a kid.
And then there's the fact that cotton in the mouth, for me, is like fingernails scraping a chalkboard.
So, I guess it's a compilation of all of that stuff. So I put off appointments. I wait. I reschedule. I cancel appointments....
Then yesterday.
I finally go. I don't want to deal with an abcess, so I just decide I need to grow up & deal with it. Force myself to keep the appt.
I'm supposed to have one molar taken out.
One, full-mouth x-ray later he comes in & says: "you know, this wisdom tooth really should come out. Lets do it today. My response? "Sure, why not." I know for a fact that my dentist told me 5 or 6 years ago that the wisdom tooth needed to come out. But it wasn't bothering me at all, so .... you know, why fix what ain't broke? AND I knew full-well, that I would not be back in that chair for an extraction for at least another few years.... so.... you get the idea.
Novocaine & needles never really bothered me. I don't know why, but they don't.
I get the shots. 5 minutes ... 10 minutes ... waiting is torture. Waiting means panicing, imagining everything that could possibly go wrong. Picturing myself hopping out of the chair & running out of there... He comes in. "You ready?" he says. ... I shrug. "You'll be fine" he tells me. Vice grip-like tool. He pushes down, really hard. Harder than my lower jaw can push back. The assistant has to apply upward pressure to my jaw to equal the dentist's pushing. I hear crunching, cracking. I taste blood. "Huh" the dentist says. "Huh?!?" "What does 'huh' mean" I think to myself. Dude! I scream in silence What does 'huh' mean?!? He keeps pushing, pulling. "Well, the tooth wants to come out" he adds. It wants to? I think to myself ... How do you know it wants to? I think it was perfectly happy right where it was. Do teeth talk to you? Do they say: Hello mr. dentist ... I'd really like to come out of this jawbone now.... she has been bombarding me with chocolate ... she should be arrested for her piss-poor flossing technique ... I simply cannot take it any longer.... And just then, he says "OK, that one's out", now we'll take the top one. Push, crunch, crack, pull, push, push, pull ... "OK you're all set". He says ... "How do you feel?" In my mind I respond: How do I feel? Are you fucking serious? And do you expect an answer? My mouth is numb, full of blood & cotton & little chips of teeth, and I'm supposed to talk? I nod. I guess that means I am OK, I am alive. Another traumatic event is over. I lived through it. Now I get to pay them hundreds of dollars for ripping parts of my body out & making me bleed.
They give me instructions. No smoking for 12 hours (ha) no straws (ok) no crumbly foods (ok) nothing "real" hot (ok) They give me gauze. I walk to the reception area & I sit down, checkbook & pen ... start making out the check. That's when they inform me my insurance covered it. "You're kidding." I say. Nope... Merry Christmas the lady says. Wow, that was a nice surprise.
I open the door & walk out through the waiting area, there are a half dozen people. I had not looked in a mirror or anything, but I could tell from the raised eyebrows, and attempted kind smiles & wide-eyed stares ... that I look like hell.
I leave there with two teeth less than I went in with. One molar & one wisdom tooth. And I look like a boxer - who lost - after 3 rounds.
And it pisses me off that I forgot to take the teeth with me. If I had, maybe the tooth fairy would have visited me last night.... nah, probably not ... since I wasn't really able to sleep.
And why do they call it a wisdom tooth? Is it the older = wiser thing? I am without it now & I don't feel any less wise... aside from the fact that if I was really smart I would have never lost any teeth to begin with.
And I also think we humans should adapt ... you're born & grow baby teeth ... then those fall out & you get your adult teeth. Well, hundreds of years ago, that was fine, nobody lived past 40 anyway. These days people are living well into their 80's, 90's, even 100's. Shouldn't whoever's in charge of adaptation let us start growing a 3rd set? Something in-between baby teeth & adult teeth?
And what the hell do we need wisdom teeth for anyway if they all just get pulled?
Please think positive, healing thoughts & send em my way ... Thanks.
Forever - very afraid of the dentist. But I'm not sure why. Maybe because the dentist I had for 30 years has the personality of a stone ... No, that doesn't describe him right ... What would you call a stone, with a nasty attitude? umm, anyway, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like people... & he's got this 'holier than thou' thing... combined with a non-caring attitude. Overall, he always seemed -- just ... very cold. Like he's doing you a favor by allowing you to go to his office. It's difficult to explain...
I also think my dentist fears come from the fact that dental work is so invasive. "Open up" ... "wider" ... "wider" ... "OK now this is gonna hurt a little"... Kind of similar to going to the OBGYN ... only the other end.
And it goes way back -- to my childhood.
What's the ONE thing you hate the taste of? The one flavor that even the thought of it makes you gag? liver? Fish? garlic? For me, until I was 20 yrs old or so, it was mint. So you see, this made brushing unpleasant, and I gagged & dry-heaved every -- single -- time. They didn't have bubble gum flavored toothpaste waaayy back when I was a kid.
And then there's the fact that cotton in the mouth, for me, is like fingernails scraping a chalkboard.
So, I guess it's a compilation of all of that stuff. So I put off appointments. I wait. I reschedule. I cancel appointments....
Then yesterday.
I finally go. I don't want to deal with an abcess, so I just decide I need to grow up & deal with it. Force myself to keep the appt.
I'm supposed to have one molar taken out.
One, full-mouth x-ray later he comes in & says: "you know, this wisdom tooth really should come out. Lets do it today. My response? "Sure, why not." I know for a fact that my dentist told me 5 or 6 years ago that the wisdom tooth needed to come out. But it wasn't bothering me at all, so .... you know, why fix what ain't broke? AND I knew full-well, that I would not be back in that chair for an extraction for at least another few years.... so.... you get the idea.
Novocaine & needles never really bothered me. I don't know why, but they don't.
I get the shots. 5 minutes ... 10 minutes ... waiting is torture. Waiting means panicing, imagining everything that could possibly go wrong. Picturing myself hopping out of the chair & running out of there... He comes in. "You ready?" he says. ... I shrug. "You'll be fine" he tells me. Vice grip-like tool. He pushes down, really hard. Harder than my lower jaw can push back. The assistant has to apply upward pressure to my jaw to equal the dentist's pushing. I hear crunching, cracking. I taste blood. "Huh" the dentist says. "Huh?!?" "What does 'huh' mean" I think to myself. Dude! I scream in silence What does 'huh' mean?!? He keeps pushing, pulling. "Well, the tooth wants to come out" he adds. It wants to? I think to myself ... How do you know it wants to? I think it was perfectly happy right where it was. Do teeth talk to you? Do they say: Hello mr. dentist ... I'd really like to come out of this jawbone now.... she has been bombarding me with chocolate ... she should be arrested for her piss-poor flossing technique ... I simply cannot take it any longer.... And just then, he says "OK, that one's out", now we'll take the top one. Push, crunch, crack, pull, push, push, pull ... "OK you're all set". He says ... "How do you feel?" In my mind I respond: How do I feel? Are you fucking serious? And do you expect an answer? My mouth is numb, full of blood & cotton & little chips of teeth, and I'm supposed to talk? I nod. I guess that means I am OK, I am alive. Another traumatic event is over. I lived through it. Now I get to pay them hundreds of dollars for ripping parts of my body out & making me bleed.
They give me instructions. No smoking for 12 hours (ha) no straws (ok) no crumbly foods (ok) nothing "real" hot (ok) They give me gauze. I walk to the reception area & I sit down, checkbook & pen ... start making out the check. That's when they inform me my insurance covered it. "You're kidding." I say. Nope... Merry Christmas the lady says. Wow, that was a nice surprise.
I open the door & walk out through the waiting area, there are a half dozen people. I had not looked in a mirror or anything, but I could tell from the raised eyebrows, and attempted kind smiles & wide-eyed stares ... that I look like hell.
I leave there with two teeth less than I went in with. One molar & one wisdom tooth. And I look like a boxer - who lost - after 3 rounds.
And it pisses me off that I forgot to take the teeth with me. If I had, maybe the tooth fairy would have visited me last night.... nah, probably not ... since I wasn't really able to sleep.
And why do they call it a wisdom tooth? Is it the older = wiser thing? I am without it now & I don't feel any less wise... aside from the fact that if I was really smart I would have never lost any teeth to begin with.
And I also think we humans should adapt ... you're born & grow baby teeth ... then those fall out & you get your adult teeth. Well, hundreds of years ago, that was fine, nobody lived past 40 anyway. These days people are living well into their 80's, 90's, even 100's. Shouldn't whoever's in charge of adaptation let us start growing a 3rd set? Something in-between baby teeth & adult teeth?
And what the hell do we need wisdom teeth for anyway if they all just get pulled?
Please think positive, healing thoughts & send em my way ... Thanks.
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