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Black Friday NRF Results

Black Friday 2008 statistics collected by BIGresearch for the National Retail Federation (NRF).

• 172 million shoppers visited stores and websites over Black Friday weekend, up from 147 million shoppers last year.
  
• Nearly 25 percent of shoppers were at stores by 5 a.m.
  
• Shoppers spent an average of $372.57; total spending reached $41 billion.
  
• More than half of shoppers bought clothing and accessories.
  
• More than a quarter of shoppers bought toys.
  
• Gift card purchases dropped 10 percent from last year.

For more information, visit www.nrf.com.

I met Curious George today!

Reba & Kelly Clarkson concert & ticket scalpers

I bought my wife & my daughter tickets for the Reba & Kelly Clarkson concert.
I signed onto Ticketmaster 1st thing in the - morning months ago - the day the tickets went on sale, but still wasn't able to get great seats.

Even so, they went ... and they had a blast.

Barbara Jean was the opening act. They said she was hilarious!

They tried to get backstage but were unsuccessful. So as they were in the truck, about to leave, the tour bus pulled out. Guess who followed the tour bus? They called to tell me. So I googled it & told them that the next show was in Ohio & asked how much gas they had.

The stalkers lost the tour bus at a red light.

----------------------------

I think that concert venues should put a stop to ticket scalping immediately. I'd be willing to bet that 95% of the ticket sales that morning went to people who planned to resell them, and not to people who love the performers. The solution? It's simple. Be like airlines. 1 ticket. 1 name. ID required. Yes refundable. Not exchangable AND NON-TRANSFERRABLE. dammit.

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confidentabout yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with aregimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent youfrom living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you willdiscover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and startliving, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone.

Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include;
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration- Erotic lustfulness- Loss of motor control- Loss of clothing- Loss of money- Loss of virginity- Attraction to the same sex- Table dancing- Headache- Dehydration- Dry mouth- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering whenyou are not.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends overand over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logicallyconverse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

HA!!! --- wish i'd written this one ...

I am in love with this song

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

I saw Jesus in the desert

I was driving in southern california, somewhere between Joshua Tree & Palm Springs. I don't remember the name of the road, but I can picture it vividly in my mind. On the side of this busy, business-lined four-lane road, I see a man dressed in raggy grey clothing, carrying over his right shoulder ... dragging ... a wooden cross at least twice his size.
A religious demonstration is what I assumed. Or maybe a mentally ill man. Why would the son of god be in So. Cal.?
I didn't hear of any crucifixion's on the news that evening, so I think it's safe to say he wasn't actually Jesus.
But what if he had been. Not one car stopped. Not person went up to help him carry it.
Imagine how different that moment would have been ... if one ... two ... or three people went up to him, and helped him carry it a few yards.

Total Meltdown

She's 4.

She insisted on wearing a heavy sweater to school that morning.

The afternoon heat, being a little tired ... and the sweater, were all contributing factors in what happened next.

We discovered we were out of formula so I ran to grocery store after picking her up from school. Parked the car. As we walk toward the door, she says she wants to ride in a cart. I said "OK".
We stood at the carts for at least 2 full minutes. She wanted the red one... but not THAT red one. She didn't want the other one I chose either. We tried the one red available one again ... no.
I weighed the options ... baby at home, needs formula. 4 year old here, needs to ride in a cart. Hmmm.

And I said:
"OK, that's it, come on, we have to go in now."
(INSERT 'Wrong answer!' GAME SHOW BUZZER HERE)

She starts getting upset, reluctantly walks inside with me, crying, starting to scream - not quite walking now - a few stares ... and we're at the baby aisle ...
oh crap, the formula's not here and she's escalating.
By the time we reach the service desk, she's in total melt-down mode. She's screaming like she's being beaten, and she's put herself on the floor. I'm so glad I know the lady at the service desk. I could barely think with all the screaming & people staring. She gets the formula for me.

That's when I have a flashback.

This hasn't happened to me in 18 years. It was K-Mart. It was the 4 yr old's mother. Shoe shopping. Couldn't decide. 20+ minutes. She had tried on every pair of shoes in the store, twice. My decision to say - OK, that's enough, we're leaving. My daughter had to be carried out by my partner at the time. Me following close behind. She was screaming: "I WANT MY MOTHER!!!!" all the way out.
This memory, of course, made me start to giggle.
My friend at the service desk tells me not to laugh. I realize I probably look rediculous ... crazy even. 4 year old on the floor at price chopper screaming, and me laughing.

OK ... time to leave.
Nope.
I struggle to pick her up off the floor. By the time we get from the service desk to the exit door, she's screamed & wiggled her way out of my arms and is on the sidewalk, screaming. I start laughing again. I can't help it. What would Nanny 911 do? Trying to speak calmy. I promise a time-out as soon as we get to my house. THAT just gives her new material to scream about. I can't think. I need her mother. I carry this flailing screaming tantrum-having 4 year old to the car & dial her mother as she again puts herself on the pavement screaming. All I can think about is how gross the ground is. I hope she's not rolling in some pre-chewed gum or spit or something nasty. Mommy is on speakerphone now. And that's all it took.
Within a minute she has gotten herself calmed down & into her carseat and is begging not to have to do a time out when we get to my house.

She did her time out.

It's the kind of thing that makes me want to have more children ... you?

Adoptive Parents NEED NOT FEAR losing their adult child to a birthparent

I just watched part of a TV show called An Adoption Story. The prospective adoptive parents expressed concern because they "heard about adopted children growing up & leaving them to find their birth parents" ... and they "didn't want to put all that effort into raising a child only to have them leave". My first reaction was: "Oh my God, what an insecure dick!" And after thinking about it for ... oh, maybe 10 seconds, I realized I had to say something.

I understand. They just don't know. They've got no adopted friends, no experience with it. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a concern for them. They ended up adopting from Korea. Partly, I think, to alleviate their concerns about "putting all that effort into raising a child only to have him / her leave someday".

Ya, the guy pissed me off. FIRST of all, if you're a good, loving parent, and you do your best, your child isn't going to leave you. SECONDLY, for an adoptee, the need to know where you came from is natural, and not necessarily a bad thing.

My birth parents are both good people, both were too young to raise me when I was born.

My parents wanted nothing more than to have children. They loved me & gave me (and my brother - also adopted) an awesome childhood.

Both birth parents, when I met them, asked if I'd had a good childhood.

Yes.

I love my parents. My parents will always be, my parents. My mom & dad.

I'm one of the lucky ones -- who was able to find & meet my birth families. I've built relationships with them, and I love many of them too. But that love absolutely does not take from the love - the bond - the relationship I have with my parents & my brother.

I hope that this blog is found, by people who are considering adoption. People who fear losing a child they raised.
If you're that person, please hear me when I say this ... LOVE your child. And you will not lose them. Be HONEST with them from day one. UNDERSTAND that they may NEED to know where they came from biologically. SUPPORT them in that. And you won't lose them.

And TODAYS most brilliant news statement is ...

And TODAYS most brilliant news statement is ...

"Officials are looking into WHY the two trains were on the same track."

let see ...

don't drink and drive

don't eat rat poison

don't hold a gun to your head

don't put two trains on the same track heading toward each other

through the eyes of the camera holder

I don't know if anyone else saw this, but last night on The History Channel, there was a 9/11 special. Footage none of us have ever seen before, captured by regular people; a college student, a mother, a couple of regular guys, etc. It was amazing to see it unfold, the way they saw it.

The mom a block away, she & her husband inside their apartment, one minute terrified, watching a terrorist attack killing thousands, the next minute telling her little girl -- in a calm, comforting voice -- to go watch cartoons. All were evacuated from their buildings ... and sent walking.

One guy filming, captured a group of firefighters walking, carrying their equipment toward tower 2, close-ups of their faces. I remember thinking how beautiful they all were ... and wondering if they lived through the day. Later we were told that all of them were killed. It was almost spiritual seeing their faces. It's hard to explain without sounding like a crazy person... there was just this great sense of calm about them.

We heard voices coming through the radios. The voices of men up there trying to help, sounding overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, desperate.

And one guy walks by a building with 7's on each large window. Building 7? Yup. The guy with the camera went in. There was a dude inside, in charge. "Everyone's out of here, we evacuated, I'm just here to make sure nobody else is up there." (Yet he was standing in the lobby.) He tells dude with camera he should go. But the most remarkable thing about that footage ... there was no smoke. No fire in building 7.

Men with thick Italian accents at times square, watching it all unfold -- with 100 other people -- on the big screen. "We should go to war, now!" & "They don't deserve to walk this planet." & We should go to Afghanistan & just bomb the hell out of em'. -- blow them all up -- kill 'em all!."

"Basic human survival." they called it. Speaking of which, A five-second shot, of an Asian man, carrying a 3 year old boy. The man was wearing one of these

The child he carried, was not.

My immediate reaction to seeing that was: "fucking asshole".

I like to think that I do not know anyone who would have been wearing that -- everyone I know would have had it on the child.

Fucking asshole.

The college students. Two Freshmen women. "What do we do? what do we do? Wait for ME!"

People just completely covered in the white ash.

A fireman phones his wife: "I'm okay."

I don't know when they'll replay it again. Maybe you can see it online. I don't know. Due to the graphic nature ... it was on late.

Very powerful stuff.

See it if you can.

Are greeting cards recession-proof?

Are greeting cards recession-proof?

I think so.

Everyone can still afford a birthday card.

Maybe not a birthday gift ... but definitely a birthday card.

Woohoo!!!!!!

Avon anyone? Get free shipping!

A friend of mine sells AVON it's soooo different these days.

Check it out.

OH! & if you order direct from her website, you can get FREE SHIPPING!

Michael Phelps - The Early Years

Michael Phelps - The Early Years

got this in an e-mail

wish I'd thought of it first!

This is your last chance to lower your interest rates.

The phone rang 10 minutes ago. A pre-recorded message says: "This is your last chance to lower your interest rates."

The last THREE times this company called, I informed them that I was on the Do Not Call list. Instead of making note of that & telling me they won't call again, they just hung up on me.

So today ... just now ... they called back.

Would you like to lower your interest rates? "Sure!" I said. Then the guy talked for 2 minutes straight until I said: "Ummm, I think you wanna talk to my mom." "Oh! OK" he said.

So I called out "Mom!!!" "Phone!!!"

And gently placed the phone down. Waited 5 minutes, picked it up & said "You still there?" He said "yes", I said "hold on a minute". He said "OK". I yelled "Mom!!!! Phone!!"

He's still holding.

Ha!

Today I learned how to tell the sex of a tomato.

It's a boy !!!

I had no idea.

Really. Something so simple... But it's got me thinking...

If tomatos have A sex ... does that mean they have SEX?

And if so, what do female tomatos call it when they have sex for the first time?

And if a cherry tomato loses her cherry ...

what does she have left?

I am now going to put my male tomato into the food processor. I suspect I may get some satisfaction from it.

The salsa I mean.

yummmmmm

PS HOLY SHIT, DO WE HAVE TOMATOS!

they're like 6 feet tall ... how THAT ever happened, I'll never know. Beginners luck probably.

Sausage in the oven.

4 AM

the phone rings.

The phone ringing at 4AM is scary.

I wake up enough by the 4th ring to fly out of bed, afraid something is terribly wrong.

"Hello?" I say.

A young woman says: "Can I put my sausage in your oven?"

At this point I sigh, partly pissed, partly releived because no one is hurt or dying, and I say to her: "You woke me up for THIS?"
Without missing a beat she responds: "Did you say you're up for this?"

Had I been more awake ... and not so freshly recovering from being scared ... I may not have hung up ... I may have praised her on her ability to think on her feet. Her response was hilarious.

I'd like to meet her.

Today’s most enlightening headline.

The news stations all reported today, a most enlightening little piece of information, as told to them ...

Are you ready for it?

Sure?

OK, here it is ...

Feds: anthrax suspect had serious mental health issues.

Wow. I gotta tell ya ... I was really blown away by this little piece of info. I was SURE the person behind the anthrax stuff was completely sane. Gee Batman, you just never know about people ...

Roscoe, I do believe we’s being bullshitted.

How come ....

when the price of oil goes up, gas prices go up

but

when the price of oil goes down, they tell us it takes a month or two for the price of gas to catch up.

====================================

Roscoe, I do believe we's being bullshitted.

Sunday AM TV

Somehow I've developed this morning routine, wake up, make coffee, smoke, channel surf, drink coffee, etc. Just until the caffeine takes effect & I'm awake enough to function & get to work.

So I'm sitting there flipping through the channels this morning & I realize it's Sunday because of the subject matter on the boob tube.

FIRST there's the hunters. I don't think that's an appropriate name for them though. People who buy expensive equipment ... camouflage themselves in the woods, use light-weight, high speed bow & arrow or high powered rifles with scopes on them that let you kill something a mile away, cameras so they can find the animals while they're hiding on a little platform high up in a tree. ----- I don't considering that hunting, I think it should be called outsmarting ... or sneaking ... or tricking ... or cheating. Whatever you want to call it, it's anything BUT "hunting". And I think, anyone who uses those tactics to outsmart an animal is just a big pussy. You heard me. A big, chicken-shit, can't really hunt, butt-munching pussy. Wear your regular clothing, bring a knife or MAKE your own weapon out of the tree branches, no cameras, no high-tech gear, no hiding in fucking trees you big fucking pussy. No devices to make an animal think there's a friend in distress calling out for them, no sound-makers making fake mating calls, no fake scents to lure them to you. Make it a fair fight. And maybe THEN ... you can call yourself a hunter.

THEN I click through a few more channels and there's a televangelist. Oh fucking yippee. I listen to this bozo for 15 seconds and all he has to say is that people ... human beings have a soul, but dogs do not. How the fuck does he know? I think there are more kind dogs than there are kind people. I think dogs care more about human beings than human beings care about human beings. I think that if god is truly kind and good, then there's no way he doesn't have a dog for a best friend. And I also say, that televangelist can kiss my fat white ass.

Life

Priorities.
Work.
Family.
Life.
Love.

In the same 2 week period, my granddaughter and my dad both ended up being hospitalized.

They're fine now, home, happy. But it was one of those moments that made me look back - when it was all over - and say to myself ...
ALL of the things I was falling behind on, work not getting done -- in as timely a manner as I usually like -- house looking like a tornado passed through ... none of it, is as important as I would've said it was, two weeks ago.

my cat walked across the fresh polyurethane floor and it got all stuck in her paws

So, we've been refinishing old floors in our old house. 'Upside-down' is the only word I think truly describes this place right now. Exhausting work too. And if you know me at all, you know I'm not a 'manual labor' type of gal. I'll gladly manage the laborers -- and even show them how to do the job right -- but I get quite sick of dirty, sweaty, repetitive work ... really quickly.

One bedroom is all we planned on doing. It came out nicely & we had paid for the weekend machine rental & had a day to spare - but when I woke up with memories of a vivid dream about gorgeous old hardwood being under 7 layers of shit that we have -- not so affectionately -- come to know as our kitchen floor - I hopped out of bed & grabbed a crowbar. Yes, even before my coffee. I moved a small counter, in case I completely fucked it up so I could cover it up, and hammered the crowbar under the 1st 2 layers of linoleum. Then there was gunk, and then a layer of white textured paper that I think may have been the backing of the brown linoleum at one time. Then red & white checkered tiles from the 50's... then tarpaper. And that's when it happened. 6 or 7 inch wide beautiful old beaten hardwood, original to this 1879 house. I made coffee & went upstairs & woke Dor up with this: "Honey, I'm tearing up the kitchen floor ... wanna join me?" I have never, ever seen her get outta bed so quickly.

When we got it all sanded we weren't sure about some of the darker spots, inconsistencies & the old water stains... but we decided that it's aged & beautiful & it tells the story of what this home has been through. We discovered a 1 foot wide circular mark next to the chimney. There are square - rectangular actually - nail heads everywhere. Then we realized we found where the hearth was. You can soooo see it ... and to the left of it, where the wood was stacked. There's a warped part, and a burn spot where hot coals obviously fell. It's gorgeous.

We're waiting on the last coat of polyurethane to completely dry now. Last night, while Dor was spreading the last coat -- even though we had blocked off the room completely -- one of our cats managed to sneak in & run across it. Her paws were all sticky with this poison -- gunking now -- and she was licking & biting to get it off.

I googled like a madman - but found nothing. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't want her dying overnight. First of all, because I love the stupid cat. Secondly, if the floor killed her, I'd have to cover it up. Didn't want to do that either.

So I called our vet and it was a recording. "You've reached Greylock Animal Hospital ... If this is an emergency, call this number for on-call." So I call their on-call number. They took my name, number, a description of what happened, the pet's name, and asked if we were patients there. OK. But then they said there is no one on duty on the overnights and vetrinary office covering for them is in SOUTH DEERFIELD, which is over an hour away! And gave me their number. I asked why they needed all of my info if no one was there to help? She said the Doctor would be calling tomorrow to check on how the cat was.

I call the So. Deerfield Vet & they tell me they don't know about the polyurethane & I should call the ASPCA's Poison Control number.

So I call the ASPCA poison control number. 10 minutes or more on the phone with them, reading the label off of the can, pet info, contact info, and a credit card number for $60 payment for their services because they're not State funded at all, and THEN I'm put on hold for 5 minutes while the actual vet is reached.

The vetrinarian comes on & says ... To get the polyurethane off, that's stuck on & in between my cat's paws, get some peanut butter, mineral oil or vegetable oil & rub the area then wash off with palmolive or dawn. Hydrocarbons can cause pneumonia within 24 hours watch for trouble breathing, wheezing, coughing ... mild diarhhea is OK, more is not ... vomiting 1 to 2 times is OK, anything more is not. Some skin & stomach irritation may occur.

The cat was THRILLED with the whole peanut butter & oil & dishsoap & rinse experience ... she was soooo pissed. And I think the other cats all thought they were gonna get it next because they wouldn't come anywhere near us when we had finished with the first one... & they didn't take their eyes off of us.

Oh. And by the way... Greylock never called to check up on us. Oh, AND ... I blog'd about the vet the last time we took everyone in and how odd I found it that suddenly 80% of my pets needed dental work. Well, last week, they all (all 7 of 'em) had their yearly appointment. ($800.00) Funny thing, no one needs dental work any longer. They just have a little tartar. Funnier still, we never got the dental work done in the first place.

So today I called them & asked if they knew of a Vetrinary Hospital who has on-call emergency / overnight coverage. They gave me another Vet's number. Told them to have all of our pet's records ready for us to pick up ... we wouldn't be coming back there. Do you know ... they didn't even ask why.

Floor photos will be added soon.

:-)

Movies ...

THE BUCKET LIST is everything you expect, and then some. One of the best movies we've seen all year.

DADDY DAY CAMP cutsey flick, made me LOL 3x.

P.S. I LOVE YOU was also a great movie. HIGHLY recommended! I'm even gonna read the book.

JUNO good. But you knew that already. Somewhat unrealistic. The main character is waaaay more mature than ANY teen I know, which kind of makes it unrealistic.

DAN IN REAL LIFE surprised me. I thought it was gonna be stupid, it was actually a great story. Kind of edging on one of those 'groundhog day - esque' in that the mail character kind of gets kicked in the head repeatedly (which annoys me) ... but overall, good.

CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR is an ABSOLUTE MUST SEE.

NEARING GRACE - I've always loved David Morse ... his broken leg has finally healed (lol) ... This is one of those movies that completely 100% takes you out of yourself, in into their lives. I loved it.

braless boob bouncing arm flailing crazy woman

I was having a good, lazy day. Never even bothered to put shoes or a bra on yesterday. I hate bras. Minding my own business. I went outside to smoke. One of our cats came out when I did.
As I sit down & light up, a pair of birds start chirping. Flying around together - bouncing around inside the branches of our lilac bush. Together, they're playing. Play-boxing, flirting, playing tag ... I don't know. They're practically on top of each other, making lots of noise, obviously having an awesome time on the first day of summer.
But I've seen this before. I know what happens next.
The pair of birds lands in the road at the end of our driveway. My cat that came outside with me is crouching now - in attack mode. I yell at the cat - she ignores me - as I knew she would, so I go running down the driveway. I MUST reach the happy birds before the cat does. Barefoot & braless, I'm running, flailing my arms, yelling at the birds: "go-on! - git! - get out of here!" She didn't pounce in time. I scared the shit out of the pair of birds. They flew off screaming obscenities at me in Spanish. I smile, knowing I have saved the birds from a truly painful death, I pivot to lecture the cat & head back to my cigarette. It was then that I saw our mailman, staring, jaw dropped. So naturally, I see the hilarity of it all & I start laughing ... which I'm sure added to his curiosity about my level of sanity - & whether or not he'd be safe walking up our driveway to deliver the mail.
Dor's outside now. I tell her the story - through my bursts of uncontrolled giggling - my head shaking back & forth - "I don't know if he's going to deliver the mail today." I tell her. We're sitting together now, smoking, as he slowly, cautiously walks up the driveway. He reaches us, hands Dor the mail (even though I had my hand out). He looks scared. Dor says to him: "She's not really a crazy person, she just plays one on TV." And we all shared a good laugh.

Last 2 weekends ... home movies

My Weekend
It started with a phone call.
"Hi, Barbra? ... you don't know me, but I'm your cousin!"
How cool is THAT?!
It's one of those things - you can never know how it feels, unless it's happened to you. Tingles all over!
We started with e-mails. Then we planned to meet. Then we had to cancel. Then we planned to meet again. And we had to cancel again.
Being persistent runs in the family, so we planned to meet again. This time everyone made it. It's always nerve-wracking, meeting new people, but I felt pretty comfortable with them. They're very down-to-earth ... and they made me laugh. I'm looking fowrawd to our next get-together. We're gonna bring the kids to Hoffman's Playland! It's strange to think, we were probably there at the same time as kids, but we didn't know it.. And now, we get to bring our kids there together. Hoffman's rocks. I'd like to open one here. :-)
Then today I went to my nieces softball game.
Everyone was dripping with sweat. 90 freakin degrees holy shit kind of hot. Wow.
My niece rocks! She's a softball natural!
Had to stop for gas on my way back home. The sign said 'please prepay' so I headed in. Dude at the gas pump called my name. I turn. I don't recognise him at all. My mind starts stumbling through the memories that are not purple hazed over - nope - still no clue. So I say: "Who are you?" He says "Eric Hough". Holy shit! I say. OMG we haven't seen each other since high school. He said he was gettin by ok, I said the same. We both said "it was good to see you". and a couple of other pleasantries ... it really was good to see him.
This kind of thing just doesn't happen to me a lot -- mostly because I moved away from my hometown 20 years ago -- but it was really cool.

Daddy Longlegs

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.'They're mating,' her father replied.'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.'That's a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered. 'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs. The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying 'Well, we're not having any of that brokeback mountain shit in OUR garden.'Brings a tear to your eye...doesn't it?

I don't know who wrote this one, but I love it!

Moral of the Story.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parentsto tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell theirstories.There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.But then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left."Ernie, do you have a story to share?""Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bailout over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, apistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down sothe bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in themiddle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets,killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then shekilled the last enemy with her bare hands.""Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What kind of moral did yourdaddy tell you from this horrible story?""Stay the F--k away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking.

I don't know who wrote this - but I think it's hilarious!

cows and kegs

My neighbor is over today. We get to talkin about the price of gas. She mentions how the truckers are just gonna stop. Then nothing will be available. Good goddamn thing I started a fucking garden this year.

I'm thinkin: I know how to live like they did on Little House on the Prairie... Then Dor says - ya, no milk in the stores ... and then Pam says "no beer" Holy crap!

That's when we decided to buy a cow.

And a few kegs.

Seriously though.

What stuff will be totally unavailable if truckers stop truckin'?

No Country For Old Men

We watched No Country For Old Men tonight.

i get the message

but

this movie takes the cake

for having the WORST ending of ANY movie I've EVER SEEN in my LIFE!

Seriously. No closure, WHATSOEVER.

which was the cohen brothers' intent - to add to the films message

but that's not why I watch movies.

I prefer happy endings

& even a sad ending is okay now & then

but NO ENDING?

I swear, we both threw up our arms when the end credits started -

and said

whatthefuck.

got this in an email

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
> hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters,
> whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
> >
> > The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went
> > into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time,
> > so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
> > Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance which
> > rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out
> > an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
> >
> > The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen
> > he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's
> > bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters
> > were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming,

would run for cover.
>
> >
> > But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak,
> > so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk
> > on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him
> > in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among
> > the judges.
> >
> > The result...
> >
> > The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but
> > they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was
> > a politician in the making -- who else but a politician could figure
> > out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by
> > being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them
> > when they weren't paying attention.
> >
> > Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible!

No Country For Old Men

We watched No Country For Old Men tonight.
i get the message
but
this movie takes the cake
for having the WORST ending of ANY movie I've EVER SEEN in my LIFE!
Seriously. No closure, WHATSOEVER.
which was the cohen brother's intent - to add to the films message
but that's not why I watch movies.
I prefer happy endings
& even a sad ending is okay now & then
but NO ENDING?
I swear, we both threw up our arms when the end credits started -
and said
whatthefuck.

That's when I knew.

Two days after my friend passed away it started. I got new orders, & re-orders every day, for a week straight. Usually I get a few orders a month - a few new accounts, and a few re-orders. It could have been coincidence, but it sure didn't feel like like coincidence. I was running out of cards.

I always ask retailers how they heard of us, whether they're calling for a catalog or placing an order - to find out which of our advertising methods is working best. On one of the new orders I got that week, I asked the woman: "How'd you hear of us?" She said: "It was the strangest thing ... I wasn't even looking for greeting cards -- I was looking for candles..." That's when I knew. (We are not associated with any candle sites - not so much as a link.)

I called my friend's sister & asked if anything weird was going on there too. She told me several different things ... important items that had been lost, reappearing ... the kids hearing her voice through the computer speakers ... widower & his new girlfriend having the shit scared out of them when huge pots fall off of the stove & go crashing to the floor for no reason... (which I found hilarious because I can totally see my friend doing that & laughing).

When we lose someone, we like to think they're in heaven, enjoying the all-you-can-eat buffet, their favorite music, friends, family, peace & love all around them ...

If when we leave our earthly bodies, we're given a choice, to go on up, or stick around & help out ... or just be mischevious for a while, I KNOW my friend chose to stick around.

A Perfect Night - a simple night - An Appreciated Night

I lost an old friend 2 weeks ago. One of my best friends from high school. I never saw it coming. I had removed myself from my hometown.

We stayed in touch sporadically over the years. Time did fly by though. I know we both thought of each other more than we talked, but we tried. She called me 2 months ago out of the blue. We talked about life & family ... children & God. Before hanging up she said she loved me. I told her I loved her too.

This isn't supposed to happen to 41 year old moms. It really threw me for a loop.

Tonight we had us, our 2 teenagers, my daughter, her 2 babies, my sister in law, and her 2 kids over. An evening full of screaming, diapers, crying, running, Smores, and Lincoln Log mansions.

With all of it's imperfections, it was a perfect night.

I know who killed me

Thinking it was a different movie, we accidentally watched I Know Who Killed Me with Lindsay Lohan. I don't generally watch psycho-thriller-blood-n-gore-murder movies ... mostly because the edge-of-your-seat thing bugs me. For me, it feels like anxiety - plain & simple. I don't enjoy anxiety.

That being said, I did enjoy the end story ... the twist made this one special.

However ... movie-watchers are a saavy bunch. We know when we're being cheated. The editors screwed up blatantly in part of the movie, where the star has already lost a limb, yet -- POOF -- her sleeve is loose & there it is! And lots of dark, motion-filled scenes made me think ... geez, they're making me use my imagination a little too much here. THEY"RE supposed to be telling the story. Almost as though they didn't have enough cash to build a proper set.

Some of the scenes were too long & drawn out, while other important ones were over in the blink of an eye.

So ... ya.

Not thrilled with this one.

Treasure Hunting Grown-Ups!

Treasure Hunting Grown-Ups!

Last summer we discovered Geocaching.

Awesome.

It was a good day.

Took Nora to visit my dad today in NY. On our way we stopped in to see my friend Donna. Nora was thrilled. She talked about Donna & Donnas birthday & how she thinks big girls should have parties too & Donna's necklace for 10 minutes straight.

Dad was really happy to see Nora. He got a really big hug from her before she took off running for the play room (which used to be my room). We chatted a bit, then dad had me help him take down some of the storm windows on the back porch & carry them to the shed at the back of the yard. It's < a half acre, but it seemed strangely larger today. Probably because Nora was roaming around freely out there - and it made me realize how good I had it as a kid.

Behind the shed is ... woods ... as far as you can see. So many memories - all seasons. Deer. Dangerous sledding. Hiking. Forts. Tree climbing - sap always - stuck to my palms. Our pets are buried back there. Nora asked (pointing to the woods): "Can I go in there?" "Sure!" I said. As I followed her around, she explored the wonder of the spring woods. Branches cracking under her feet. Tripping. Laughing. Leaves. Things to look inside & underneath & up at. We were in heaven.

She found an old plastic sit-on airplane toy thing - we dragged it out of the woods, hosed it off, emptied it of the water that had infiltrated it - and she sat down. She sat on it for a minute - thinking. Then she said: "Burpy ... I don't know how to fly the airplane in the sky." I did my best to explain that it was a toy & she had to pretend to fly... That's when my dad saved the day. He came walking over - tied a rope around the front - and dragged Nora around the yard on it. As Nora 'flew' around the yard, looking up toward the sky & smiling, I had flashbacks of him pulling Krissy around. (Nora looks exactly like Krissy did at this age.) Then dad said: "so Barbra, you taking this home with ya?" No dad, lets leave it here. "OK then, I'll bring it to the car for ya."

Funny guy my dad. He pulled Nora all the way to the front yard on it, parked it next to my car. And now it's on my front lawn.

We ate. Well, Nora ate. I was gonna have some Hembolds hot dogs, until I saw the label that said "natural sheep casing" - so I couldn't do it. We played PlayDoh. And Nora slept all the way home.

All in all ... aside from the fact that Dor hogged ALL of the coffee this morning ... the day turned out great.

I would like to have a yard where cars don't fly by - with trees & woods ... Someplace safe - where the kids can go out & play ... and have what I had. It was awesome.

WholesaleCrafts Featured Artist!

WholesaleCrafts.com featured our HOORAY! I SURVIVED THE BUSH ERA fridge magnet!

More movies

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I give this movie an A, if for no other reason, becasue Brad Pitt is so easy on the eyes. I do love a good western. This movie takes you to another place - another time. I very much enjoyed it.

Becoming Jane. Another 'A' ... Loved it. Amazing acting. Amazing story.

Martian Child. A+ on this one. Not just because we've been foster parents for so long & could relate ... not to say that I think our parenting skills come anywhere close to the man in this movie ... but because more of these stories need to be told, and children like this need to be heard.

Catch and Release. Entertaining. Great story. 'B+'

Kurt Cobain: About a Son. I was disappointed at first, because there were no Kurt pictures or performances. But After watching the 'behind the scenes' stuff, I understood, no, more than "understood" ... I got it. It's imperative to see the special features. A Strong B+ - especially for any Nirvana fan.

No Reservations. Entertaining. Enjoyable. 'B'

Mommy doesn't want you running around in just your underwear.

Ah, the freedoms of being a child.

The first thing my 3 1/2 yr old granddaughter does when she walks in the house is strip. Off come the shoes, socks & pants. Every time.

Yesterday, she came in. Backpack off. Coat off. Sneakers off. Socks off. Pants off. In her shirt & undies, she takes off running for the living room. We say to her: "Your mommy doesn’t want you running around in just your underwear."

Her response?

"Well, how about I just walk then."

kanye hands

Lift Me Up Cards - plastic surgery humor & get well WOOHOO!

Camie Dunbar of Lift Me Up Cards - a greeting card friend of mine - is FAMOUS!!!!!

Her card designs were featured on TELEVISION!!!

NBC

omg!!!!

click here to watch the segment

How freakin cool!

Bad VooDoo's War - A MUST SEE

Click Here to watch an awesome video - PBS - Bad Voodoo’s War - A group of soldiers - in Iraq now. Their cameras. Their stories. Their daily lives. Their truths. This completely blew me away.

Something in between ...

I have always known in my heart that I am not supposed to be poor. And I spent many years waiting for the cash to rain down on me. It took a long time to see ... it's not just a matter of fate ... a suitcase full of cash is NOT going to fall from the sky & land in my yard ... and the lottery numbers are not going to be on the ticket I hold in my hand.

I'm sure I wouldn't want to win the lottery anyway. Those sudden multi-millionaires always end up losing everything else they had that was good in their lives ... kind of in exchange for the cash. A cruel joke.

I don't want that.

I HAVE spent over 2 years in the same pair of sneakers. The only footwear I owned.

Watching TV - MTV Cribs - closets full of shit they'll wear once.

UGH.

I don't want that life either -- the life of excess. Wasteful.

Jury Duty ~ AKA ~ I doe wanna!

The dreaded summons. Jury duty. Oh, balls. I really feel that people should not be forced to serve jury duty. There should be a way to excuse yourself, at least a certain number of times in a lifetime. And, is it just me... or do they seem to pull the same people, over & over ... while others never get that wonderful little postcard.

So I get called to serve jury duty. As my granddaughter says: "I doe wanna!" So I do the 1 year extention thing. My year comes up this past November, & guess what ... I still doe wanna. So I oversleep, don’t feel great, call & try to get a human being at the court - impossible - they finally call me back that afternoon - I ask if they’re gonna arrest me - no the guy says, just come in sometime soon - come as a drop-in, just call the juror line (the recording) first ... we’ll count that.
So I do. I call almost 3 times a week. They never need jurors when I call. Then it’s Christmas vacation, the juror recording says the message will be updated in a month. OK.... so NOW they’ll probably arrest me...

I get a postcard that says HEY IDIOT you blew off jury duty ... you really shouldn’t do that ... Call this number & they’ll give you a new date. So I call. The woman with a thick hispanic (?) accent on the phone proceeds to have a bitch-fest on my ass, treating me like a moron, a child being scolded ... "jew better make chure jew show up for dis jury duty ..." I explained that I had been calling so I could do the drop-in thing like the court officer told me to, she yells: "Jew can’t do dat! (ok.... ??? ... whatever.) As she continued to briefly lecture me about what an irresponsible person I was, & how I shouldn’t fuck with them, I realize that this bitch held my fate in her hands ... so I had to say yessum, no ma’am... blah blah blah ... Then she realized, as she’s franticly typing away at her keyboard... that there really were no available dates for jurors (like I was saying) for another month +. "Here’s your new date. Jew make chure jew show up dis time!" Was the last thing she said to me.

It’s juvenile court, and my foster son has a case he’s been called in for - because this boy in middle school had been bullying him, and once the bully boy & his wonderful mother realized there were actual consequences, (kicked out of school & other legal issues ...) they decide to turn everything around & blame it all on the victims. So the bully boy & his wonderful mom, take MY foster son & another small, meek boy to court.

*So we the jurors are sitting in a group & we’re all told the basics about the case before the court that day. Then 1 at a time we get to stand up & say if we feel we should be excused & why. My turn comes. I ask to approach the bench. No, the judge says, whatever you have to say can be said in front of the court & jurors. I am biased in this case your honor. Why? He says. So I told him. "The little bastard bully boy is a liar & I know it for a fact because I saw the bruises that my foster son came home from school with after bully-boy decided to kick & push him." Then there was a collective sigh, bully-boy’s lawyer argued that I had single-handedly tainted the entire pool of jurors ... the judge agreed & told us all that we were dismissed.

As we left that day, all of my fellow jury poolees thanked me, patted me on the back - everyone was happy.

Jury duty bastards know better than to mess with me now! Guess I showed THEM! Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

So the truth is, The day before I’m supposed to go for jury duty, I call & the recording says we’re all excused. Which I figured might happen, because my foster son’s case had been dismissed - the bully boy has pled out. So yes, that whole last part, from the asterisk on, was a figment of my imagination & I’m good for another year. But that is an actual daydream I had ... ha. Funny little glimpses into my mind - it’s a dangerous place to visit.

PS I am sure that by blogging this, I'll end up as a grand juror when they call my # next time ... so I really hope you enjoyed this post.

matthew

My friend & ex-band mate Matthew is currently transitioning from VT to Eastern MA. He called, then stopped stopped in last week ... I hadn't seen him in years ... and asked to store some stuff here. Along with a few boxes & a couple of suitcases, Matthew left his guitar.

My love of music can be traced back to the first year of my life. It is written in my baby book. Proof positive. Eventually grabbing hold of a guitar at age 12, and learning some, and playing John Denver & dreaming of Donny Osmond ... the musical dreams fade but never really go away.

Then I am in my 30's. In love with a local musician. I am taught a bit more - I have access to this wonderful guitar. I learn.

Then a friend from work says "Hey! lets play ... I know a guy..." So Jay, Barb & Matthew form a band which had potential, but overall -- we sucked. The guys drank alcohol too much. Jay can't sing at all but insisted. We all wrote good songs, but Matthew has real songwriting ability... but his English skills are a bit ... different. I wanted to sing so badly that I couldn't hear myself singing slightly off key - ever - till now. I was never a great guitarist. I had to work really really hard, just to be able to pass as OK. Jayson had a girlfriend, Tabitha, who we referred to as Satan... she called 5 times every practice, to bitch at him for no apparent reason. He had the patience of a saint. Matt had drug issues & often times blew us off when it was time to load up the van & set up -- he'd show up just in time to sing in his drug-induced haze... he was still captivating.

PART 2 - MATTHEW EXPLAINS THE PAIN BEHIND THE SONG.

Matthew left the band many times. Rehab, joined the Navy, tramped around NYC to try acting ... rehab, rehab, rehab. Last week he calls & says he's not drinking, totally clean, not even smoking cigarettes. Has new songs. Come on over Matt! Play for me! (I love love love listening to this man sing - he has this voice that is so wonderful... it's hard to describe other than to say, I wish it was mine). But he too, is inflicted with shyness. Gotta let loose - gotta let go.

So he stops in. Drops stuff off to store here. And leaves his guitar.

I haven't played in a couple of years. Since I sold all of my stuff in order to fund other projects. God, it feels good holding that thing in my arms.

I do still love music.

sickos rambling thoughts

I’m starting to return, though not really right yet
lots of work pililng up & sleepless scrambled eggs for brains
exhausted body from constant coughing n not sleeping n trying to be normal
I always get this lung thing after getting a cold
the babies are both sick
dor has been my rock - again
nora trashed my office in 2 point 2 (she gets it from her mamma)
coughed so hard i tore a muscle or something right near the top of my ribcage & it HURTS if I cough unexpectedly & don't have time to prep myself / double over & hold onto it... man.
Only smoked 3 half-cigarettes yesterday, afraid to talk about quitting though I’m sure I will succeed THIS TIME
& even more afraid that comments like U CAN DO IT will have the opposite effect or maybe that's just another excuse.
Dammit, i just don’t want to talk about it. Assume I fail please. Then I won’t feel like such a failure when I fail again.
Blessings in disguise. Times like these, all u wish for is good health.
my mouse double clicks when i only tell it to single-click, which is very interesting when there are things u don’t want, behind other things u r trying to close. try it. try double clicking everything EVERYTHING that u normally would only single click. it’s crazy man... & I’m sure nora -- who is writing her name now btw -- is partially to blame, well, sort of ... i think her gooey toddler hands have infiltrated the safety & security of my mouses’ inner workings... so ya, technically it’s MY FAULT.
Emma got her 1st tooth! And 2 is coming, I’ve never seen so much drool & snot in my life.
I’ve had the fucking pleasure of spending an ungodly amount of time -- in & out of consciousness -- on the couch with the remote all to myself. News reporters - I will never understand that chosen path... and some dumb bitch old psychologist blaming Mrs. Spitzer for not paying enough attention ... she made me want to puke ... osama - er - I mean obama said "umm" 64 times in 10 minutes. Dyson makes the world’s best, and least affordable vacuum & he’s very interested in drying hands in public toilets & nobody knows his first name because it’s in cursive & none of us use that any longer. Cursive will be the lost language of our civilization. Someday they will unearth a manuscript, and spend a year trying to decipher the strange code...
oh shit
well - i will stop now. typing my rambling thoughts is probably not such a super idea.
this is reDICKulous

Quitting Smoking

I was in 7th grade. Mundy Zullo. Linda. Me. In the field across from their house. Cough, hack. Life-altering. Made me cool. Changed my world. Changed the world's view of me.

What an unbelievable gripping addiction tobacco is. A friend says to me, she can't believe the husband is still smoking -- his wife just died of lung cancer from smoking. I told her, it's not like that. It's not a choice.

It's like a noose with superglue.

I've been sick. Going to take advantage of the illness & the couch time & do the 'cut-down then quit' thing. Hmmm. So many reasons why I should.

Wish me luck.

Brushes With The Famous

Thanks to the Williamstown Theatre Festival, I've had TWO brushes with famous people. The first was when my daughter & I were stopped at a crosswalk by Williams College in Williamstown MA. Freakin Sara Gilbert (Darlene from Roseanne) crossed the street right in front of us! I saw her first, started slapping my daughter - saying LOOK - LOOK - LOOK - !!! She said "holy shit". And then it was over.

A few years later, I was having lunch in Williamstown & in walked Neil Patrick Harris from Doogie Howser MD & How I Met Your Mother. I gave him my business card, hoping for some kind of recognition or word of mouth ... instead, he & his buddies prank called my business line that same night. Too freakin funny.

New Office!

We're in our new space! Same building, just upstairs.

It's fantastic!

More space, completely organized, more windows = more natural light ... the walls are white, not brown like the old space. There's even a small exercise center in the next room! Treadmill, exercise bike, stair-stepper ... which is somewhat redundant since we're on the second floor now ;-)

I'm liking it - a lot.

Slightly sore from moving everything. It took a dozen trips just to get the cards up here. Finally got the last of the furniture in last night. Spent the morning organizing files & paperwork. All that's left is a bit of decorating / personalizing the space.

The biggest change is the way it makes me feel. (The Feng Shui energies are smiling on me since I no longer have my desk in a corner with my back to the door.) I feel energized & ready. And I've already noticed a difference. In the last 48 hours ... we've received a dozen catalog requests, (which is 3x our average) two new orders and a new Sales Rep!

Got a call from my birthmother too - it's been several years since we've seen each other - she & her husband (he's hilarious btw) are coming to visit next month! I'm sooo excited!

THE POST OFFICE NUKED MY COPYRIGHT MATERIALS

Every time I come out with new cards or magnets, I have to mail out my copyright claim - to the United States Copyright Office.

I send; 1) Their form. 2) Two copies of the works being copyrighted. 3) Payment.

They wrote to me today ...

THIS IS A QUOTE:

"Dear Customer: We recently received your copyright claim in the mail after it had been irradiated by the U.S. Postal Service to destroy bio-contaminants. The radiation level is strong enough to damage some materials beyond our ability to process them. This is the case with one or more of the items you sent."

--------------------

This is THE single, strangest letter I have EVER received.

So... Someone sneezed in the post office while my envelope was being processed, and it then became bio-contaminated, so they sent it to the bat-cave where Robin took the bat-laser-atomic-bio-blaster to it (ZzzaappP!!) so that no one would catch the cold germs.

I can't imagine it was from a bleeding paper-cut ... everyone at the post office who used to physically handle the mail, has been replaced by machines ...

OH! I KNOW!!! The package accidentally opened, they read the cards, and laughed so hard they pissed themselves! Pee is a bio-hazzard!

Yup, that's GOT to be what happened ...

nothing else makes sense.

Hold off on buying that Blu-ray

Article in Consumer Reports dot org ...

Bruno Gideon

For over a year now, I've been reading Bruno Gideon's One Minute E-Mail every week. He's down to earth, full of commom sense & experience & wisdom. Always a teacher, never a preacher. An excellent writer.
It's just a great way to start your day.
Check him out :-)

Babies Online - free stuff for you & baby!

Babies Online is a cool website hints, tips, connections & FREE STUFF!!!! "for new and expectant parents". Gotta love it.

Movies

Unaccompanied Minors was hilarious & very, very fun. Perfect family night movie!

In the Land of Women was great. Excellent story line. Could have had a stronger, more creative ending, but overall very enjoyable. Great acting.

Good Luck Chuck was entertaining & made me burst out lauhing several times. Definitely for a younger audience though ... well, 18 - 30-something.

The Santa Clause 3 was a fun family movie. It's been at the top of our Blockbuster Queue for a while ... since November 07. We just got it. LOL

The Game Plan was really corny but very fun & cool at the same time. Just when I thought the predictable parts were about to happen, the story twisted. I laughed, I cried. Everything I look for in a movie.

Writing In Code

I wanted to add a page to my website. One with a map, or a list of the US States, & when you click on any given State, it would automatically bring you down the page to that state's list of stores that carry GrammaBurp cards.
Well, it took me a few hours, but I did it!
I really have MySpace to thank for getting me over my fear of html in a fun & easy way. And the good folks at Yahoo Answers answered the technical part of it. And then it was just a matter of me typing it.
I have some tweaking to do with it... and more states & stores to add ... but I'm just really pleased with myself for actually being able to do it. **pats self on back**
Computers (& microwaves) were recent inventions when I was in High School. I remember everyone being told to sign up for a computer class they would be offering if we were interested. I signed up. Even before I knew much about them, I knew. Unfortunately, there were not enough spaces for everyone who was interested, because I was never offered the class. Eh, just another one of those I wonder where I'd be today if I had done that questions.
AND yet another fear conquered! Woohoo!

Growing Greeting Cards

The seed was planted.
The ideas flowered.
The research ... weeded out ... the plan.
I worked the soil, and I fertilized ... a lot.

April 21st 2005 I made my first dollar.

At that moment it became so much more than just another one of my ideas.

Photo By Sue Bush
This is me, in my old, tiny office, when my line consisted of only fifty cards. The first time I was interviewed for a newspaper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in my late 30's ... and without realizing it, I had become accustomed to having exciting ideas, and not following through -- for whatever reason. But somehow, that kept me going.

And then it happened.

My daughter got married & had a baby & moved to California & her husband was deployed to Iraq. The baby was only a couple of months old. I couldn't handle them being so far away. I finally got the balls enough to quit my day job. We got pet sitters / house sitters & we rented a car & drove from Massachusetts to California.

I'd had the greeting card idea before we left, and had been talking about it with my wife... she was used to me talking about my ideas & she was always very supportive & honest & helped me process the ideas.

We're in the middle of the USA -- highway driving all day -- tired -- and maybe a little lost. We pull off the highway & into the first parking lot we came to. Turns out, it was the Corporate HQ for Hallmark in Kansas City MO. THAT was the moment we knew - THIS wasn't just another one of my ideas. THIS was what I was supposed to be doing.

No one will ever know the amout of excitement I felt that evening, being so completely blown away by fate - knowing that everything -- every step - every move - every turn -- had been right ... sitting in the Hallmark parking lot.


to be continued ... (don't you hate that?)

Bourne

Bourne Ultimatum

Aside from the fact that I mutilated ALL ten of my already pathetic fingernails, I FREAKIN LOVED this 3rd in the series of Jason Bourne movies. TOTALLY left me saying: "I cannot WAIT 'till the next one comes out!"

There was only one scene in the movie that was a bit too fake & drawn out ... the entire rest of it was ...

Whew, man.

Awesomeness at it's finest.

FREE condoms for everybody!!!!!!

OK, well, you have to be 18 (yes, because we all know that no one under 18 has sex) and it takes 6 weeks to receive your 1 free Trojan condom. But hey, it's free!

CLICK HERE to get it!

Oh, and it's a limited offer to one free condom per person per year... so, if you don't need more than one this year... you probably won't mind waiting the 6 weeks it takes to receive it ... here ya go.

:-)

YAY TROJAN!

Hillary's Daughter The PIMP

Re: the comment about Hillary's daughter being "pimped out".

I think Whoopi said it best ...

"unfortunate things happen when white people try to use black slang". (or something similar to that)

Does the guy deserve to lose his job? NO

Does Hill need to take a chill pill & concentrate on bigger & better things? YES

OK, so, how do you think she should have reacted to the pimp comment?
I think she should have gotten Chelsea a t-shirt that says "I'M PIMPIN FO MY MAS".

Yup. That's exactly what I think.

Shoveling

We got hit pretty hard today. Looked like about 8 inches of snow, which, when I decided to go to bed last night, was light & fluffy. Then came the sleet & freezing rain all morning & all day. Holy shit. It took me 20 minutes to clear a two-foot wide section the length of our car. Frozen slush. You had to break it up before you could shovel it. And even then you couldn't put much on the shovel - either because you simply couldn't lift it or for fear of the shitty plastic shovel snapping in two beneath the weight of the frozen sludge. All together, I only shoveled for a little over an hour ... with many breaks ... it took all day ... and now my shoulders are wondering what the hell I was thinking.

More movie reviews

Mr Woodcock - Very silly, entertaining, Love Seann William Scott. The bonus is, you get to see him & Billy-Bob in wrestling outfits ... HA!

3:10 to Yuma - awesome awesome awesome! Even if you don't like westerns, this one has an amazing story-line. Great movie!

PiGS - well, they tried ... but it just didn't do anything for me.

Oceans Thirteen - Lived up to its promises. I've been very impressed by all three 'Oceans' flicks.

Superbad - if you only see one movie this year, make sure this one is it. It's absolutely factually rediculous, and completely hilarious. Takes American Pie to the next level. I AM McLovin.

Great FREE Websites For Kids Online

All the experts told my parents that too much TV would damage us ... eh ... we made it through. Now the evil spawn of these "experts" are still waving the same flags ... only this time they've added warning labels on computers too.
Well.
I happen to disagree.
I'm not gonna sit a child in front of the TV or DVD or computer or video games completely unsupervised ... or for hours on end. But you can bet all of my kids have TV's in their rooms.
First, selfishly, it does give us 'mommy time'... Secondly, if their responsibilities are not done (chores, homework) then no phone or electronics.
And third, there are actually some excellent programs on TV, & fun, educational games on the computer.
And 4th ... that's not all they do.
To sum it up ... anyone who tells me that Baby Einstein is going to damage my granddaughter's brain, can bite me.

HERE'S A LIST OF GREAT FREE WEBSITES FOR KIDS.

Sesame Street

Noggin

The Wiggles

Playhouse Disney

PBS Kids

Me

I LOVE watching movies. Comedies especially. I have experienced true love, many times ... I am addicted to chocolate... I used to drive fast... now, old women pass me. I love working on the computer. I'm an animal lover. Always have been. I think that people who abuse animals &/or children should get life sentences. That way the cycle might end. My living room looks like a day care center. I don't do windows & I rarely dust. If my office / desk isn't clean & organized, I get very little work done. When I put my mind to something I go at it 100% ... I have had 1,000,000 ideas ... I didn't always have the family support -- or belief in myself -- to stick with the ideas & follow through enough to see if it'll turn out as great as I think it will in the beginning. I love to laugh. I strive to be healthy. I was given up for adoption at birth. 10 years ago, I met my birthmother & birthfather... we still stay in touch. They're both amazing. I've been a foster mom for 10 years. Sometimes it's too easy. At other times, it's so difficult, we discuss not doing it any more. The system sucks in so many ways. Many of the people I work with, do truly care. While at the same time, I've seen some of the worst the system has to offer, Social Services case workers for one - I have yet to be impressed. Empty threats, empty promises, lies, huge caseloads, laziness ... It's truly sad. I teach children to jump in puddles. I rarely shop for sneakers, because I'm so particular about how they should fit - it usually takes me a month of shopping & trying on sneakers, before I find the right pair. I hate shopping. When I DO finally find the right pair of sneakers, I should buy two pair. I do not own shoes. I have a garage full of crap. Good crap, but crap nonetheless.

Hey, you never know.

Each link is searchable by State / last name ... pretty cool .... & hey, you never know.

You may just end up finding some LOST MONEY !!!


MISSING MONEY DOT COM

UNCLAIMED DOT ORG

The Chocolate Garden

I first heard of The Chocolate Garden back in 2001 on TV ... The Food Network did a feature on them.

You know how TV shows featuring foods have the hosts take a bite ... and no matter what, they all say: "Yum, this is amazing"... but you can tell by the looks on their faces that as soon as they go to commercial, they're bending over the trash bucket? Ya. Well not this time. When they tasted the Chocolate Garden's truffles, time seemed to slow ... all you heard was: "mmmmmm". Eyelids were slowly closing in their most unexpected public moments that proved to be nearly orgasmic.

I immediately got online & ordered a two-pack. Six days later I received my order & tasted them for the first time. Five minutes after that, I was placing another (much larger) order.






I may have mentioned before, how cranky I get when I go to 'gourmet chocolate shops', pay too much & end up disappointed. One of the reasons I fell so immediately head-over-heels with The Chocolate Garden, was because these suckers are hand-rolled. The truffles you get in many "gourmet" shops are mass produced, and have a horrendous wax coating that just makes my tongue say: "ewww" the moment I put it in my mouth.

There's no wax on The Chocolate Garden's truffles.

Let me just say this ...

Oh ... My .... God.

Chocolate lovers, you will know - with your first soft bite - these are simply, the world's greatest chocolate truffles.

Period.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

I suppose it's a sign that I'm getting older .... but I kept finding myself wondering if some of the sexual references in the movie I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY were appropriate for the 14 yr old to be seeing. It's rated PG-13, but I kept thinking ... I should get up & check to make sure it's actually PG-13.

And because of that, I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I would have if the 14 yr old wasn't watching it with us.

There were several laugh out lout moments... but also many predictable moments.

Excellent actors, all of them. LOADED with stars. Great message.

Overall, good entertainment.

Free Samples from WalMart

WalMart has a section of their website that offers FREE SAMPLES !!!

A simple name & address form, and you'll get free (sample size) stuff delivered to your door.

I've been using it for 3 months now & I have actually received several sample-size items in my mailbox. No additional junk mail that I have noticed either! (They don't share your contact info.)

The only drawback? You have to fill in the name & address infor every time.

Free stuff = cool.

ENJOY!

I WANT THE BANANA!

We have a YMCA family membership. They have a lot of different aquatic programs. Kids lessons, family swim, open swim, laps, even kayak lessons & programs for older people & people with injuries & synchronized swimming.

Yesterday we took our 3 1/2 year old granddaughter swimming during the family swim time. She loved it. About 20 minutes into our time in the pool, she spots something -- her eyes get big -- she yells: "I WANT THE BANANA!" She's hungry? Now? We look around. There's a big yellow kayak parked upside-down on the side of the pool, waiting for the kayak class.

It really did look like a humongous banana.

:-)

Ghirardelli Chocolate

As a self-proclaimed chocolate connoisseur, I have to say, I know chocolate. Chocolate & I have been having an ongoing love affair for more than forty years.

I've been to the local malls where the fancy-schmancy chocolate shops claim to have the best chocolates in the world, spent waaay too much money for something that tastes the same as a $2 hollow chocolate Easter bunny.

I've tried every chocolate bar known to man.

Belgian chocolates are very good. But even they, pale in comparison to Ghirardelli. (GEAR-UH-DELLY)



There's just something about the taste of Ghirardelli that makes you -- if you're a true chocolate lover -- sigh ... and feel the rush of calm surround your body like a warm, soft blanket.

It's the greatest natural high that I know.

I read once, that they roast their cocoa beans differently than other chocolate manufacturers. Ghirardelli takes the little seeds out of the bean & roasts them at precise temps, in order to get specific flavors. Most other chocolate manufacturers roast & burn the bean ... the result being ... burnt seeds, under-roasted seeds ... varying, inconsistent flavors.



I've even visited the factory in SanFrancisco.

It was a thing of beauty. Huge vats of slowly stirred, thick liquid chocolate. I wanted to jump in. I wanted to swim in it. I pictured myself diving in. Evidently, someone had the idea before me because there were Plexiglas walls surrounding the vats.

All in all, my visit to the Ghirardelli factory was one of the most memorable experiences of my time in SanFrancisco... even though I didn't get to go swimming.

The grocery stores carry double chocolate ghirardelli brownies & ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips. The next time you're gonna make brownies or chocolate chip cookies, I challenge you to spend the extra $1.50. You WILL NOT regret it. :-) I promise.

Ever changing

Feels like life is changing ... again. Everything always changes, I know. But a lot of the time, I don't see it coming. Sometimes I feel it coming, but I'm not aware enough of the significance of it all ... then I can look back & say: "gee, I should have seen that coming." But now ... everything is changing. I can see it, I can feel it ... & I'm scared. And I'm excited.

My daughter is moving out of the apartment upstairs, into her own apartment (in town). And she's taking my grandbabies with her. It's just so convenient having them right here. But I know it'll be more normal -- for her -- if she's not living with mommy at 23 yrs old.

And it's been crowded. We're foster parents. And we have a fairly large old house. Since I work at home, and since my daughter moved in (& required the entire upstairs) ... my workspace -- my OFFICE -- is shared with our bedroom. It's squished. It's hard to concentrate. It impossible to organize. My office space is less than half the size it was before. So yes, I'm looking forward to having my office space back. If a feng shui person saw this space right now, they'd run screaming.

All of it though, is leaving an uneasy feeling in my gut. A lot like butterflies. Fear of the unknown I suppose. Also, partly, me losing control of the situation. (Did I mention I have control issues? -- well, they're not really issues, so long as I'm in control.)

Scary.

I think I made a mistake.

I like to think I'm like most moms out there. We all try to do our best. We all try to do better with our own kids than our parents did with us. We all try. And we all make mistakes.

I think I made a mistake. I kind of got sidetracked on this blog ... I mean, I was keeping it all about greeting cards - and the truth is, I WANT to write about other stuff too.

So ... stuff that once didn't belong here, will now be here. YEE HAWWWW! Such freedom! Woo Hoo!

I hope to blog here about; life, marriage, funny things my daughter & granddaughters say & do, product reviews, pet tales, food, and maybe even a dash of poetry.

In other words, you all (if there is actually anyone out there reading my blog) will get to see the real me - the true me ... you'll see what a whack-job I really am.

Lucky, Lucky you!